Reflection

Summary: Fuji reflects on Ryoma

Sometimes it feels like nothing existed before us and other times we are virtual strangers. There are things I can’t tell you about my past. I know if I open up, even you won’t be able to keep from judging me. And I can’t lose you, not so soon after I’ve found you.

I wonder, though, if you catch the glimpses of the darkness inside me that I try to give you. Because I know the secrecy can’t last forever if I want to keep you. And it won’t; I just need to soften the blow first. Reveal my darkness bit by bit so you can piece it together.

I’m not an honest man. I haven’t been in a long time and you know that. With the smiling mask I wear, it is hard for people to believe I’m capable of such cruelty. But not with you.

With you, I’m starting to question the darkness inside me and my conviction that there is nothing else. I’ll burn this before you see it, Ryoma, because I don’t want you to know I write down my thoughts. But you’re changing me. And though I’ll never be light, like you, I’m starting to see that I have more inside me than the dark hell of my sadism.

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